Spoiler: It's not a secret supplement or magic routine. It's simpler than that.
My father-in-law turned 94 this week.
Not 94 and barely hanging on. 94 and sharp. Still curious. Still showing up for Sunday dinners. Still learning new things and being exactly who he's always been.
Here's the thing: Mark and I are incredibly lucky. All four of our parents are over 80 and living full, active, engaged lives. It's literally the dream. Watching them has shifted something in how I think about getting older.
Why I'm Thinking About Longevity (And Why You Might Be Too)
Longevity content is everywhere right now. Your feed is probably full of cold plunges, supplement stacks, and biohacking bros promising to live to 150.
And look, I get the appeal. We all want more time. More years with our people. More chances to do the things we haven't done yet.
But here's what I keep coming back to: the goal isn't just more years. It's better years.
Dr. Peter Attia, who wrote Outlive and has basically made longevity his whole thing, puts it this way: "When I think of longevity, what I'm really thinking about is maximizing both the length of life and the quality of life."
That distinction matters. Because what's the point of reaching 94 if you're not actually enjoying it?
The Luck vs. Choices Debate
When you see someone thriving in their 90s, there's a temptation to reverse-engineer their life. What did they eat? Did they run marathons? Was it the olive oil?
And when someone gets sick young, we do the same thing in the other direction. We look for reasons because reasons feel safer than randomness.
Here's what I actually believe: it's about 51% luck and 49% choices.
The 51% you can't control:
- Your genetics (thanks, ancestors)
- Environmental factors you were born into
- Random accidents and illness
The 49% you can:
- How you move your body
- How you feed yourself
- How you manage stress
- Who you stay connected to
That 49% isn't nothing. It's actually a lot. But it's also not everything, and I think that's important to acknowledge. Because sometimes people do all the "right" things and still get sick. And sometimes people break every rule in the book and live to 100.
We can't control the outcome. We can only work with what's in our hands.
What the Research Actually Says
If you want to nerd out on this stuff (I do), here's what the science keeps pointing to.
Exercise is the big one. A 2022 study published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine found that people who did 150 to 300 minutes of moderate activity per week had a 20 to 21% lower risk of dying from any cause. Bump that up to vigorous activity and the numbers get even better.
But it's not just about cardio. Strength training matters too.
And here's the encouraging part: it's never too late to start. Research from the Mayo Clinic found that resistance training can slow and even reverse the changes in muscle fibres associated with aging, even in people who didn't start until after age 70. Your muscles don't care how old you are. They still respond.
But here's what I think gets lost in all the longevity talk: exercise isn't just about living longer. It's about feeling better right now.
Movement reduces anxiety. It helps you sleep. It gives you energy to actually show up for your life. The mood boost alone is worth it, even if you never think about longevity stats again.
You don't need to train like an athlete or spend two hours a day in the gym. What you need is consistency and movement that doesn't make you miserable.
What actually helps:
- Strength training to preserve muscle mass (even once or twice a week counts)
- Cardio for heart, brain, and mental health
- Balance and stability work to prevent falls as we age
- Anything that gets you moving and feeling good
The goal is being able to get up off the floor, carry your groceries, and chase your grandkids around the backyard. But also just to feel good in your body right now.
The Piece Most People Skip
You can eat all the leafy greens and lift all the weights and still feel miserable if you're lonely.
This is the part of longevity that doesn't get enough airtime. Emotional health, social connection, and a sense of purpose aren't soft extras. They're foundational.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest studies on human happiness ever conducted (they've been following participants for over 85 years), found that close relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness and health as we age. Not money. Not career success. Not how many steps you got in.
Relationships.
And yet, we live in a time when loneliness is at epidemic levels. A 2023 Surgeon General's advisory called it a public health crisis, noting that prolonged loneliness carries health risks equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
So if you're thinking about longevity, don't just think about your body. Think about your people.
Practical Ways to Build Connection (When Life Is Already Full)
I know what you're thinking. Great, another thing to add to the list.
But connection doesn't have to mean overhauling your social life. It can be small.
Some ideas:
- Put the coffee date on the calendar. Stop saying "we should do this sometime" and actually book it.
- Find your people. A running group, book club, pottery class. Whatever gets you in the same room with the same humans regularly.
- Learn a group game. Canasta, mahjong, bridge. Built-in reasons to gather that don't require planning a whole event.
- Put down your phone. When you're with someone, actually be with them.
- Say yes to the invite. Even when staying home sounds easier. Especially then.
- Check in without a reason. A text that says "thinking of you" takes 10 seconds and can make someone's whole day.
The relationships you nurture now are the ones that carry you later.
What I've Learned From Watching My Parents
My husband and I are lucky. All four of our parents are over 80 and doing well. It's like the clock isn't really touching them.
They all:
- Move their bodies (my mom still pumps iron, my dad's in the gym doing weights, my father-in-law can still walk 6,000 steps, and my mother-in-law probably even more)
- Stay socially active
- Keep learning new things
- Show up for the people they love
Watching them has taught me more than any book or podcast. They're living proof that the theories work.
But they've also taught me something else: none of them are obsessing over it.
They're not tracking every metric or optimizing every meal. They're just... living. Moving. Eating. Connecting. Showing up.
And I think that matters. There's a difference between "I have to exercise" and "I get to move my body." Between "I should eat better" and "I get to nourish myself." The energy behind it counts. Stressing about longevity kind of defeats the purpose.
The Bottom Line
You can't control whether you make it to 94. But you can control how you spend the years you've got.
Move your body in ways that feel good. Eat food that makes you feel alive. Nurture the relationships that matter. Find something that gives your days meaning.
And maybe, just maybe, stop scrolling through longevity content and go call someone you love instead.
That's what I'm doing today.
What helps you feel most alive right now? I'd love to hear. Reply to this post or come find me on Instagram.
