By Stephanie Valentine | 6-minute read
The Jewish New Year is around the corner, Thanksgiving is creeping up, and if you're like most of us, you're already feeling that familiar knot in your stomach about hosting.
You know the drill: you want to create beautiful memories and honour traditions, but the thought of doing it all yourself while maintaining your sanity feels impossible.
Here's what I've learned after years of holiday hosting trial and error: the secret isn't doing less – it's doing it smarter.
The Real Problem with Holiday Hosting
We've been conditioned to believe that good hosting means doing everything ourselves. That asking for help somehow diminishes the love we're showing our family and friends.
But here's the truth: your guests want to contribute. They want to feel useful, included, and part of creating something special together. When you try to do it all, you rob them of that joy AND exhaust yourself in the process.
Make-Ahead Winners That Save Your Sanity
Some dishes are meant to marinate, develop flavours, and get better with time. These are your holiday hosting secret weapons.
Traditional Brisket is perfect for Rosh Hashanah and improves overnight. The flavours meld, the meat becomes more tender, and you can slice it perfectly when it's cold. Reheat gently the day of, and it tastes like you've been cooking all day when really you did the work yesterday.
Going the bagel and spreads route? Place your orders ahead of time. Most bagel shops and delis will let you order in advance. Remember many are closed on the holidays, so double check if you need to pick up a day ahead. Add homemade or store-bought salads, and you've got a beautiful spread without the panic.
The real make-ahead winners:
- Grain salads (quinoa, farro, wild rice absorb dressing overnight and get better)
- Soups (can be made as far in advance as you want if you've got freezer space)
- Braised anything (more tender, easier to slice, flavours deepen)
Buffet or sit-down? Both work great – it just depends on size of your guest list and your space. Buffet is easier for larger groups and lets people customise their plates. Sit-down feels more intimate but requires more coordination.
How to Delegate Your Weak Spots (And Why It's Actually Generous)
Here's the shift that changed everything for me: I stopped asking people to help with what I'm good at, and started asking them to bring what they excel at.
I love making salads – the chopping, the layering, getting the dressing just right. But baking? Not my strong suit. I'm not the best at following directions, which is essential if you want your recipes to turn out well.
So I ask my mum to make one (or more) of the family traditional dishes – cheesecake, chiffon cake, 'Bubie's biscotti.' These are all in the cookbook, and her gefilte fish marks the holiday as one of our essential holiday dishes.
The Magic Phrases:
- "Everyone loves your [dish]"
- "Your [speciality] makes the holidays complete"
- "I always look forward to your incredible [dish]"
- "I'd be honoured if you'd bring your [dish]"
What to Delegate Based on Your Weak Spots:
- Not great at baking? Ask for desserts, bread, or pastries
- Struggle with appetisers? Someone always has a go-to dip or cheese board
- Don't drink wine? Let the wine lover bring and pour
- Overwhelmed by side dishes? Ask for the roasted vegetables or grain dish
- Panic about timing everything? Give someone the "arrives hot" dish while you handle make-ahead items
The Genius Move: Frame it as giving them a chance to contribute something meaningful, not as you needing help. People love being appreciated for their skills.
Advanced Strategy: Be honest about what you don't enjoy. "I'm focussing on the main course because that's what I love doing – would you handle the thing you do best?"
Why Restorative Practices Beat Intense Workouts During Hosting Season
When you're hosting, your nervous system is already activated. Your stress hormones are higher, your sleep might be disrupted, and your body is working overtime.
This is not the time for intense cardio or heavy lifting. This is the time for practices that help you stay centred and preserve your energy.
Try these instead:
- Restorative yoga (20 minutes of supported poses beats an hour of vinyasa)
- Gentle stretching (focus on your neck, shoulders, and lower back – the places you hold hosting tension)
- Walking meditation (get outside, breathe fresh air, clear your head)
- Yin yoga (long-held poses that calm your nervous system)
The Pre-Party Reset: 30 minutes before guests arrive, do this sequence:
- 5 minutes of deep breathing
- 10 minutes of gentle stretches (child's pose, cat-cow, seated twists)
- 5 minutes of legs-up-the-wall pose
- 10 minutes to get yourself ready mindfully
Why this works: You're giving your nervous system a chance to downregulate before the stimulation of hosting. You'll feel more grounded, less reactive, and actually present for your guests.
The Weekend Before Strategy: Instead of cramming in intense workouts, prioritise sleep and gentle movement. Your body needs recovery mode, not more stress.
My Best Annual Hosting Trick
Right after each holiday, I write myself a detailed note – what I served, how many people came, what quantities I had for each dish and whether it was enough, too much, or just right. It's like leaving a roadmap for my future self so I'm not reinventing the wheel or guessing on portions every single year.
The Bottom Line
Your guests aren't coming for a perfect meal. They're coming for connection, tradition, and time with you. The more energy you preserve, the more present you can be for what really matters.
The holidays don't have to drain you. With a little strategic planning, some smart delegating, and the right mindset, you can actually enjoy hosting again. Because at the end of the day, the best gift you can give your guests is a relaxed, present version of yourself.
How are you feeling about the upcoming holidays? What's your biggest hosting challenge? The key is working smarter, not harder – and remembering that the magic happens when everyone contributes to creating something beautiful together.
