By Stephanie Valentine, BA, CNP, MHWC · 6 minute read · Updated October 29, 2026
Why does a sad book leave you lighter? The science of a good cry, why the relief takes about 90 minutes, and why some of us love scary movies instead.
I've done my hardest crying on airplanes. For some reason I never watch the movies on a flight. I read, doze off, wake up and read some more, and at some point a book undoes me somewhere between takeoff and landing.
This week it happened again on a plane. I finished As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow by Zoulfa Katouh and ugly cried through the middle of the book, the full red-eyed, can't-catch-your-breath kind. Don't worry, no spoilers. When I told someone about it, they asked, "Is that supposed to make me want to read it?" Yes, it is.
Crying can make you feel better, but the relief arrives late. In a 2015 study from Tilburg University, people who cried during a sad film felt worse at first and felt better than their starting mood about 90 minutes later.
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Why does crying make you feel better?
A good cry seems to work on a delay, with a dip first and a lift later. Researchers at Tilburg University in the Netherlands showed students two famous tearjerkers, Life Is Beautiful and Hachi: A Dog's Tale, and checked their moods over the next hour and a half (Tilburg University Crying Study) .
The criers felt worse right after, were back to normal within 20 minutes and felt better than before the film by the 90-minute mark. It was a small study in young adults, so I'd love to see it repeated with women our age, but it fits what I notice after a good sob.
My husband Mark can vouch for the dip. Whenever a book wrecks me, I nudge him and insist on sharing the saddest parts, crying through my entire explanation.
Why do we need to let the tears out?
In my coaching work, I let tears do their job. I never hand a client a tissue while they're crying. The box sits within reach, because passing it over can feel like a cue to wipe the tears away and pull yourself together, so I leave that call to them.
When we hold tears back through a hard stretch at work or a season of caring for a parent, the tension stays parked in the body, where it can wreak havoc (like my back and jaw muscles this summer) and pop out at the most surprising and inopportune moments.
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Why do sad books feel so good to read?
A sad book gives you the release of a good cry in a setting you control. I call it a freebie, because you get the emotional clean-out without having to pick a fight with anyone first, and you can close the cover whenever you need a breather.
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger broke me on a plane, and it still holds the record for my hardest cry at 35,000 feet.
A flight turns out to be the perfect place for it. For a few hours nobody needs anything from me, there's no laundry calling, and the worst that can happen is a flight attendant noticing my mascara.
Can reading fiction make you more empathetic?
Reading fiction gives a small but real lift to our ability to understand what other people think and feel. A 2018 analysis that pooled 14 experiments, led by psychologists David Dodell-Feder and Diana Tamir, found fiction readers did better on tests of social understanding than people who read nonfiction or nothing at all.
That's why historical and world fiction do it best for me. As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow follows Salama, an 18-year-old pharmacy student volunteering at a hospital in Homs during the Syrian revolution. The Mountains Sing by Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai had the same effect on me, following a grandmother and her granddaughter in Vietnam through the land reform of the 1950s and the war that came after. I closed both with far more compassion for what families there have lived through.
How do you find a book worth crying over?
My Instagram and TikTok feeds send me book recommendations constantly, and I've learned to trust a pattern. When the same title pops up on several "best of" lists, especially lists where I've loved other picks, I buy it.
I also just joined a book club, and I'm ridiculously excited about it. Half the fun of a book that makes you cry is having people to talk it through with, and Mark may be relieved to share the job.
If you're stuck, start with a list you trust and pick the title that shows up twice. Then save it for your next flight or a rainy Sunday on the couch.
Or skip the lists and ask me. I keep a long list of books I'd press into a friend's hands, tearjerkers and plenty of other genres too. Send me a message on Instagram at [EXTERNAL LINK: https://www.instagram.com/s.v.living/, "@s.v.living"] and tell me what you're in the mood for.
Why do some people love scary movies?
Some researchers think horror lets fans practise fear in a safe setting. A 2021 study of 310 adults, led by Coltan Scrivner at the University of Chicago, found horror fans reported less distress than everyone else during the early months of the pandemic. It shows a link, not proof.
I understand the appeal. As a teenager, I spent plenty of nights in our dark basement watching The Shining, The Changeling and a few of the Halloween movies. I always liked the psychological ones that crept under my skin far more than the jump scares.
My hot take: nobody owes Halloween a horror marathon. Scrivner himself has said that forcing yourself through films you hate won't help.
Why did scary movies stop being fun?
Our tolerance for fear changes with life experience, and mine flipped. First I was in a car accident, and after that I became a mom. Between the two, every character in danger started to look like somebody's kid, and every bloody car crash on screen was triggering.
The suspense sat too close to home, and I'd lie awake replaying scenes instead of enjoying the chill. These days I'm a firm no-ish on horror and a firm yes on a book that makes me cry.
If your taste has shifted too, you're not alone. Pay attention to how you feel an hour after a film or a book. If you come away lighter, keep going, and if you come away rattled, that's useful information too.
How can I get the most out of a good cry?
Give the tears room, and give yourself time afterward. A few things I've learned from my own red-eyed evenings and flights:
- Read a heartbreaker somewhere private. A dentist's waiting room is the wrong place for the big moments. A window seat works surprisingly well.
- Plan an easy hour after. The lift arrives later, so don't schedule your hardest task straight afterward.
- Tell someone about it. Even if you cry through the retelling, the way I do with Mark.
- Pick your genre on purpose. Whether it's tears or scares, the right story is the one that leaves you lighter.
If big feelings show up at the wrong moment, my 5-minute [LINK: "Panic Release meditation"] helps settle your body fast.
FAQs: Why does crying make you feel better?
Q: Is crying good for your mental health? A: Research suggests crying can help mood recover after an emotional moment. In a 2015 lab study, people who cried during a sad film felt better than their starting mood about 90 minutes later. Frequent crying with no clear trigger is worth raising with your doctor or a mental health professional.
Q: Why do I feel tired after crying? A: Crying is part of an emotional stress response, and coming down from it can leave you drained, especially after a long or intense cry. A glass of water, a snack and a quiet hour usually help you bounce back.
Q: Does reading fiction make you more empathetic? A: A 2018 analysis of 14 experiments found that reading fiction leads to a small but measurable improvement in understanding what others think and feel, compared with reading nonfiction or not reading at all.
Q: Are people who like horror movies more resilient? A: A 2021 study of 310 adults found horror fans reported less psychological distress during the COVID-19 pandemic. It shows an association, not proof, and the lead researcher has said watching horror you dislike isn't likely to help.
The stories we reach for
Whether you're curled up with a tearjerker this week or saving a sad book for your next flight, the stories you choose can do real work for your mood. Notice which ones leave you lighter and reach for those on purpose.
And if hosting this season usually leaves you wiped out, join me live. Enjoy Your Own Party is my free class on Monday, November 9 at 2 p.m. EST, with my timeline for planners and shortcuts for last-minute hosts.
"Save my free seat for Enjoy Your Own Party"
About the author Stephanie Valentine is a holistic nutritionist, clinical hypnotist and mental health wellness coach who helps midlife women sort through the noise and make feeling well simple. She's the author of the award-winning cookbook Love What's On Your Plate and the voice behind the weekly newsletter The Slice.
