By Stephanie Valentine, BA, CNP, MHWC · 7 minute read · Updated October 8, 2026
When the holidays don't feel the same, nostalgia can lead you to gratitude. Holistic nutritionist Stephanie Valentine shares the science and what to try.
For years, nobody had to ask what we were doing for Thanksgiving. We went up north for a big turkey dinner with the extended family, and that was the tradition. Now my kids are adults with their own work and their own corners of the world, the question has to be asked, and that's why the holidays don't feel the same anymore.
My first reaction was sadness, then longing. I miss everyone under one roof, with me as the self-appointed nature leader: let's go for a walk, let's stomp on the leaves. My mom made the apple pie, and one year my youngest, still little, looked at the turkey and said, "That's one big chicken." It stuck forever.
I spent years pointing at trees ("look how that one is glowing"), and I think it shaped my kids.
The magic of that weekend was the family. The backdrop was the turn of the season, a yearly reminder that nothing stays the same, and I take so much pleasure in the beauty of that change. I watch a sunset without grieving the afternoon. It took me until this week to wonder if I could turn that same eye on the other shifts in my life.
The short answer: when the holidays don't feel the same, the ache is nostalgia, a mostly positive emotion that research links with gratitude. In a 2023 Journal of Happiness Studies paper covering 298 people, recalling a fond memory improved mood, and gratitude explained part of that lift.
If you'd like a few quiet minutes to make that shift, my "Gratitude Meditation" is where I'd start.
Key takeaways
- Nostalgia was once a medical diagnosis. A Swiss medical student coined the word in 1688 for homesickness so severe it was treated as a disease.
- Today it's linked with gratitude. In two 2023 experiments, people who recalled fond memories reported more gratitude and better mood.
- A short walk after the feast helps. In a 2016 study of adults with type 2 diabetes, 10 minutes of walking after dinner lowered blood sugar more than one longer walk at another time.
- Smell is a fast route to memory. Personally meaningful scents activated the brain's emotional centre more than pictures did in a small 2004 study.
- Time outside eases stress, even in the city. A 2019 University of Michigan study of 36 city dwellers found 20 to 30 minutes in any outdoor spot that felt like nature gave the biggest drop in cortisol.
Why don't the holidays feel the same in midlife?
In midlife, the people around the table change faster than the traditions do. Kids grow up and build their own lives, parents age or pass, siblings and friends move away, and the person who used to host often isn't you anymore.
Many of us juggle grown kids and aging parents at once, a load I wrote about in "why a too-full plate leaves you tired"]. None of that means anything has gone wrong. I raised my kids hoping they'd be healthy, capable and close by choice, and that's exactly who they are. It just looks different on a long weekend in October.
Meanwhile the holiday stays fixed on the calendar, arriving on cue every year, which makes the empty chairs easier to notice. The gap between how the day used to feel and how it feels now is where the sting comes from.
Was nostalgia really once considered a disease?
Yes. The word nostalgia was coined in 1688 by Johannes Hofer, a Swiss medical student, in his dissertation at the University of Basel. He built it from two Greek words: nostos, homecoming, and algos, pain.
Hofer was describing a severe homesickness he saw in Swiss soldiers and others living far from home, with symptoms that included poor sleep, loss of appetite and heart palpitations. For roughly two centuries, doctors treated nostalgia as a medical condition, and it was considered dangerous. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Johannes-Hofer -> "coined in 1688 by Swiss medical student Johannes Hofer"
I'd jokingly been calling my version "how it used to be syndrome." I was about 340 years late.
Is nostalgia good for you?
Modern research treats nostalgia as a mostly positive, bittersweet emotion, and several studies link it with gratitude and feeling connected. The longing is real, but it usually comes wrapped around good memories, which is why it hurts in the first place.
In a 2023 paper in the Journal of Happiness Studies, researchers ran two experiments. In one, 196 people recalled a nostalgic memory; in the other, 102 people watched a video from their childhood years. Both nostalgia groups reported better mood, and gratitude explained part of that lift. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-022-00616-0 -> "a 2023 paper in the Journal of Happiness Studies"]
The volunteers were young adults, not women in midlife, so I'd treat it as a strong hint.
Why does the smell of a holiday meal bring memories flooding back?
Smell has an unusually direct line to the parts of the brain that handle emotion and memory. The olfactory system connects closely with the amygdala, the brain's emotional centre, and the hippocampus, which helps store memories.
In a 2004 brain-imaging study published in Neuropsychologia, Rachel Herz and colleagues at Brown University found that a personally meaningful scent activated the amygdala more strongly than a picture of the same thing. The study included only five women, so it's a small window, not a final word. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14670575/ -> "a 2004 brain-imaging study published in Neuropsychologia"]
This is why one whiff of sage, onion and roasting squash can put you back at a table you haven't sat at in years. I use that on purpose. I cook the dish that smells like back then, and I set one new dish beside it for the table I have now. If you need a new one this year, my [INTERNAL LINK: /blogs/recipes/wild-rice-and-apple-harvest-bowl -> "Wild Rice and Apple Harvest Bowl"] travels well if you're the guest instead of the host. And for the week after the holiday, my free "What's For Dinner planner" builds dinners and a grocery list from the time you have and what's already in your fridge.
What helps when the holidays feel heavy?
Time outside is one of the simplest things that helps when your thoughts keep looping back to how it used to be, and a city park counts. In a 2019 Frontiers in Psychology study, MaryCarol Hunter and colleagues at the University of Michigan followed 36 city dwellers for eight weeks. They spent time a few times a week anywhere outdoors that felt like nature to them, sitting or walking. Twenty to 30 minutes produced the biggest drop in cortisol, a stress hormone. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6458297/ -> "a 2019 Frontiers in Psychology study". A park bench or a tree-lined side street works.
Not everyone will be at a crowded table this weekend. Some of us will be on our own, and some tables will have an empty chair for the first time. A walk works for all of it. Go alone, or call someone you love and walk while you talk.
Why do you feel so sleepy after Thanksgiving dinner?
Post-feast sleepiness is real, but turkey gets more of the blame than it deserves. Turkey contains tryptophan, an amino acid your body uses to make serotonin and melatonin, the hormone that signals sleep. But as my youngest once put it, looking at our Thanksgiving bird, "That's one big chicken!" and the comparison holds. According to https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-does-turkey-make-you-sleepy/ -> "Scientific American", chicken and other meats carry comparable amounts.
The bigger drivers are the size of the meal and the carbohydrates in it. Carbs trigger insulin, which clears competing amino acids so more tryptophan reaches the brain, and a full stomach shifts the body into rest-and-digest mode.
A 10-minute walk after the meal helps, because working muscles pull sugar out of the bloodstream for fuel. In a 2016 Diabetologia study of 41 adults with type 2 diabetes in New Zealand, walking for 10 minutes after each meal lowered post-meal blood sugar 12% more than one 30-minute walk at another time, and 22% after dinner. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27747394/ -> "a 2016 Diabetologia study"] For more on steadier energy after meals, my "Blood Sugar Regulation Guide" walks through it.
What can fall leaves teach us about change?
The yellows and oranges of autumn don't appear in October. They were in the leaf all summer. Those pigments, called carotenoids, sit alongside green chlorophyll through the growing season and stay hidden under it.
As nights lengthen, trees stop making chlorophyll, break down what's left and pull those nutrients back into their branches and roots to store for winter. The green fades and the colour underneath shows through. The reds are different: pigments called anthocyanins are mostly produced fresh in autumn. https://www.fs.usda.gov/visit/fall-colors/science-of-fall-colors -> "USDA Forest Service"
So the most colourful part of the year only happens because summer is ending. I'm trying to see this new stage with my kids the same way, noticing what shows up because things have changed instead of mourning what's gone.
How do you move from longing to gratitude?
Let the memory in, then name what you have now. Trying to block nostalgia tends to make the sting sharper, while sitting with it for a few minutes gives gratitude room to show up.
| What you feel | What it's telling you | Try this |
|---|---|---|
| Longing for how it used to be | Those years were good | Spend five minutes with one favourite memory |
| Sadness at the empty chairs | You love these people | Call or text one of them this weekend |
| Heaviness, or a first holiday with an empty chair | Something mattered and has changed | Spend 20 to 30 minutes outside, in a park if you're in the city |
| Flatness on the day itself | You're waiting for the old version | Say one thing you're thankful for, out loud, before the meal |
If you want more ways to refill after a full stretch, I covered the four kinds of rest in [INTERNAL LINK: /blogs/the-slice/how-to-recharge -> "how to recharge when you're running on empty"].
FAQs: when the holidays don't feel the same
Q: Why do the holidays feel sad even when nothing is wrong? A: Holidays come with strong memories attached, and when the people or traditions change, the gap between then and now becomes easy to see. Nostalgia researchers describe that feeling as bittersweet and mostly positive, because the sadness exists only because the memories were good.
Q: Is nostalgia good or bad for your mental health? A: Research generally treats it as helpful in moderation. A 2023 study found nostalgic recall improved mood partly by increasing gratitude, and other work links nostalgia with feeling more connected. If longing turns into persistent low mood, check in with your healthcare provider.
Q: How do you handle Thanksgiving when your adult children live far away? A: Keep one tradition that smells and tastes like home, and build in a call or video chat with the people who are far away. If you'll be on your own, plan one thing just for you, like a walk outside or a favourite dish, so the day has a shape.
Q: What's a simple gratitude practice for a holiday weekend? A: Before the meal, say one thing you're thankful for in your life as it is right now. A few quiet minutes of guided gratitude in the morning can make the words easier to find when you're at the table.
Start this weekend
Your holiday may not look the way it used to, and it can still be good. Cook the dish that carries the memory, take a walk outside, and name what you're thankful for in the life you have now.
If you'd like a guided way to begin, my [OFFER LINK: Gratitude Meditation (/products/gratitude-meditation) -> "Gratitude Meditation"] takes just a few minutes, and the [OFFER LINK: Love What's On Your Plate (/products/love-whats-on-your-plate-book) -> "recipes in my cookbook"] are made for tables of every size.
About the author
Stephanie Valentine, BA, CNP, MHWC, is a holistic nutritionist, clinical hypnotist and mental health wellness coach, and the author of the award-winning cookbook Love What's On Your Plate. She trained in holistic nutrition at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition in Toronto, in clinical hypnosis through the University of Toronto's continuing education program, and as a mental health wellness coach through Headspace's coaching program. She also completed Harvard Medical School executive education in Women's Health and Wellness, and writes The Slice, a weekly newsletter for busy midlife women, at SV Living.
This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for personalised medical advice.
