Over the years, my meditation practice has changed me. It hasn’t changed who I am, just how I am. In fact, my kids are in awe of the new Zen Steph. The mom they used to know was expert at shooting from the hip, letting expletives fly, which inevitably left me no choice but to beg everyone’s forgiveness (and beat myself up in the process). 

Holding my tongue has never been my strong suit. I’ve lost count of the number of times knee-jerk reactions have gotten me in hot water. That’s because when anger gets misplaced, it has a habit of misfiring. You know how it is. You can’t very well give your bully boss a piece of your mind so you lose it on your spouse when you trip over his shoes.

Anyone who works with colleagues or has a partner or kids at home knows what I’m talking about. In our most challenging, stressful moments, we show the worst of who we are, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Enter loving kindness meditation practice. After only a few weeks of this special brand of solitude, I am a whole lot nicer to be around. And you can be too. 

Loving kindness meditation retrains brain pathways to help us feel closer to those around us, and more at peace. In my mind, it’s a free, non-toxic, accessible way to boost feelings of love, compassion and goodwill for yourself and everyone in your orbit! 

And there’s science behind why it works. Research has proven that practicing loving kindness meditation triggers our sense of pleasure, reward, and bonding by boosting dopamine and oxytocin (love hormones), quieting the fear centre (amygdala), strengthening the prefrontal cortex (decision making, emotional regulation, and empathy), lowering cortisol levels (stress hormone), activating the insula (emotional awareness), and engaging the anterior cingulate cortex (social connections, generosity, and kindness). All that to say that you can bolster your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that makes you happier, less stressed, less fearful, more compassionate, and more sociable. Give me some of that! 

In general, meditation teaches you to press our inner pause button when emotions start to boil, you press it, giving your feelings a chance to cool and you a chance to consider how to respond. Loving kindness meditation involves directed well-wishing, which slows you down and makes you feel good so you can access that button. Simply by silently repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be safe”, you activate your brain to reward you with feelings of warmth and positivity. 

This is not a one and done exercise, though. The key is to keep practicing until your brain recognizes loving kindness as a habit. It’s like walking through a field of tall grass. The more you tread the route, the flatter the grass gets until there is a useful trail. In a similar way, you are eking out emotional pathways, making them more natural and accessible over time. 

You’ll soon start noticing some pretty amazing benefits. Whether you’re navigating a high-pressure workday or struggling in a relationship, your meditation provides a mental and emotional reset, lifting your mood and leaving you feeling more grounded and in control. 

Here’s how it works. Ping! There’s a text message from your mom that really grinds your gears. You’re about to snap back with something equally rude when your strengthened prefrontal cortex steps in to press pause, giving you time to consider another perspective, and respond with kindness or curiosity or even not at all. Over time, this emotional regulation will lead to healthier communication and stronger relationships, transforming how you interact with the world. You’ll find yourself more open to acts of kindness, more willing to lend a helping hand, and better equipped to build meaningful connections.

You’ll also become more resilient in the face of challenges. When you don’t get the job you interviewed for, you won’t immediately spiral into negativity but will pause to give yourself grace. Your newfound self-compassion will extend outward, too. You’ll be more likely to reach out to friends, volunteer for a good cause, and comfort those in need. And as you cultivate compassion and empathy within yourself, you’ll naturally inspire others to do the same. This virtuous cycle of positivity enhances not only your mental health but also your broader community, creating a more loving and connected world.

Ready to experience these benefits for yourself? Here’s a simple guide to get started:

1. Find a Quiet Space: Choose a comfortable spot where you won’t be interrupted.

2. Relax and Breathe: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

3. Start with Yourself: Silently repeat these phrases:

• May I be happy.

• May I be healthy.

• May I be safe.

4. Extend to Loved Ones: Picture someone you care about and repeat the phrases for them.

5. Expand Your Circle: Gradually include acquaintances and strangers in your focus. 

6. Keep Expanding: Extend the wishes to a person you find challenging.

7. End with Universal Love: Wish well for all beings everywhere.

Better yet, click on this link and listen to my recorded guided loving kindness meditation.

Like any new habit, consistency is key. Start with just five to ten minutes of loving kindness meditation per day a few times each week. You can integrate this practice into your morning routine, use it as a midday reset, or wind down with it before bed. You might also consider joining a meditation group or exploring guided meditations to deepen your practice. Over time, you’ll notice the cumulative benefits—not just in your own emotional well-being but also in the quality of your relationships and interactions.

Take it from Zen Steph. If I can do it, anyone can!